I’ve missed a few Thursdays, but here’s what’s on my mind this Thursday.
How is it possible that August is done today?
I am so very ready for Fall. This time of year always feels like the New Year to me. I am at my best in the Fall.
My floss project is pretty much completed. And what a project it’s been . . .
That’s nearly all the DMC floss. It’s a lot of floss. I probably will never have to buy any ever again :-D Two very generous friends gifted me their entire cross stitch floss collections. DMC floss is the main one, but I also have some Weeks Dye Works, some Gentle Arts Shaker Threads, and some Classic Colorworks. Those will go on the other door. Here is the last of what has to get hit with the steam iron, and then I can hang the last bits up and finally be done with this project! Yay!!
I ran across this tune the other day. I hadn’t thought of it in forever. I think I really enjoy these old tunes because so many of the artists were really singing. No autotune. No AI. No gimmicks. Just music. Beautiful, beautiful music. I hope you will enjoy this one.
It’s been a minute. I decided that it would be a good idea to do a Field Report today. I blew past Second Quarter and am two thirds of the way through the third quarter, so yes – it’s high time to catch it all up.
Life in General
Spring and summer have blown by. Seriously just blasted past. As I look at the April 2023 Field Report, I can tell you that I did, indeed, take plants to the national African violet convention in Atlanta, Georgia in May of this year. My plants acquitted themselves well – it was a banner event for me.
I did participate in a story-telling event back in May and while it went pretty well, I was far more nervous than I thought I would be. I am considering doing it again – just haven’t found the right story to tell yet.
The saddest thing – and you’d think it wasn’t a big deal, but it was a huge deal for me – was that I wasn’t careful with my very favorite coffee mug. While taking it out of the dishwasher, I smacked the edge of it on the granite countertop, and yes, it chipped. Cue the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
I can hear you: “It’s just a coffee mug, A.”
No. No it wasn’t. It was my very best 18-ounce coffee mug. Every mug of tea I’ve drunk for the past I don’t even know how many years – more than a decade, I’m sure – I drank out of this mug. 18 ounces meant that it was just over the size of a bottle of water. Made it super simple to know that if I had two mugs of tea, that was a liter of my fluids for the day. But it chipped. My mom told me that my father, who had been in the restaurant business, told her, that once something chips or cracks, it has to go out. When the glaze is chipped or cracked it becomes dangerous to keep because bacteria can get in. Plus, it chipped on the side that I drank out of. My heart broke as I dropped it into the trash bin. :-(
The hunt is on for another 18-ounce mug. Of course, Starbucks hasn’t made this particular mug for more than a decade. Something new will appear in my path, and in the meantime, I have plenty of other mugs from which to choose. It’s really not the same, though.
Life in the Time of COVID
There was not another COVID booster as I had hoped back in April. Now I hear that the new booster should be here by the end of September. I got a second dose of the bivalent booster in mid-May, about two weeks before I drove to Atlanta for the African violet convention. I have continued to get out more and have stopped masking at the health club because there are not a lot of people there when I’m usually there. I do still mask on the train and in most large stores, and I keep a mask on my wrist pretty much all the time.
Health
My MOHs surgery wound on my shin finally healed. It took four months.
I was beginning to think it was never going to heal. But it has. I’m grateful. I see the dermatologist again in mid-September.
With regard to strength, I regularly chest press sets in the 125-135 range. No change in my SRM.
I’ve done a lot of personal work this summer with my therapist – things I thought I had worked through seem to keep coming up, so there is more for me to do. I’m about to work through a huge loss with a grief counselor – the loss of my professional singing voice. I thought I had worked through this, but it’s become clear that I have not fully done so. It’s also clear that it’s affecting me in ways that I’m not coping with all that well. As painful as this work will be, I’m looking forward to doing it because I think it’s going to unlock a lot of doors for me.
No change in the size of my ass, but I continue in the Balance 365 coaching program. I feel like I’m so very close to moving forward into the next chapter of my life in this area – where it will all come together not only in my head, but also in actual practice.
Creativity
Oh wow – my knitting mojo returned with a vengeance this summer and I have been very happy to welcome it back! In a group I moderate on Ravelry, we’ve been doing an August “finish-it-up” challenge. It’s really been helping me! This is my Gryer shawl. It’s knit with handspun yarn that was spun for me by a wonderful friend who lives in Georgia. She picked the roving colors specifically for me – and they could not be more perfect for my Soft Summer palette. I just love it!
Next, the Labyrinth socks are finally done. I made the choice to not carry the pattern down onto the feet. I also made the discovery that there really is a difference between fingering weight and light fingering weight. This photo hides it pretty well, but the leg of the sock on the right is larger than the sock on the left. The pink/green yarn is fingering weight, and the navy yarn is light fingering. If you look carefully you can see the size difference of the stitches in each color. I really didn’t think it would make that much of a difference, but it did. The feet are the same size, interestingly enough, though. I think it was a combination of the intricacy of this colorwork combined with my getting quicker with my floats by the second sock.
I have to say that I am very glad these socks are finished. I have wanted to knit them for more than a decade. I finally started them last January (2022) and they ended up sitting for a long time. But they are done and I am reminded that I don’t really enjoy colorwork all that much. I like the finished project, but the process really is not my thing.
Another project that sat for months just needing buttons sewn on it also done. This is my the purl code cardigan. I love this pattern. Phrases are coded in written Morse code using purl stitches throughout the entire sweater. I bounced back and forth about adding a grosgrain ribbon button band, but finally just put the buttons on. That’s how the pattern showed them (no button band), and I want to wear this sweater this fall. I just love the buttons. They are a William Morris pattern. I got them on Etsy. In December 2021. Jesus . . .
In July, my favorite yarn store announced that, after 30 years, it would be closing. There was a 50% off sale, and I did go up and pick up some yarn. I cast on for these legwarmers with some of it. One is done and the other started. These are the Wickershanks pattern.
It was a productive month. I have a cross stitch project going for August virtual cross stitch camp, but I don’t know if I will get it finished by the end of the month. It’s also time for me to start actually finishing some of my cross stitch work into pillows and pin cushions. I’m a little nervous about finishing stuff. But, there’s no time like the present to learn.
I’ve also been pounding away on the DMC embroidery floss project I’ve been working on all summer long. I’m very close to being done with it. Photos soon!
One other wonderful thing that happened – just this week: I got to the top of the list and my new Tru-Knit sock machine arrived!! I sold my Erlbacher reduced ratio machine in July to make way for this new machine. It’s not quite set up yet, but I had the opportunity to try one out last November – which is when I got on the list to get one. Again, photos soon! :-)
Embracing Hope and Self-Care
Hope. I had higher hopes for myself for this summer, but it has been a summer of continuing personal work, which, while it is ultimately so very important and helpful, is challenging and often difficult when you’re in the middle of it, like I am. I’m in what’s often called “the messy middle.” There’s part of me that wants to just walk away from everything and embrace life as a larger human. The bigger part of me (no pun intended) wants better health and more self-care. That’s the part that I’m fighting to grab ahold of. Awful sentence, that. Oh well. ;-)
While these words are not mine, they rolled across my FB or Instagram feed (with no attribution). They spoke startlingly clearly to me. So much so that I grabbed them and made a meme for myself with one of my own photos.
Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way has re-entered my path. Not the actual book so much as some of the major tools learned from it. Specifically, the Artist Date. An Artist Date is where you go – by yourself – and have some fun. It’s a wonderful way to fill the well of creativity that is within each of us. It has been years since I’ve actually taken myself on an Artist’s Date, so on Friday morning I took myself to the Jo Malone fragrance counter at Nordstrom. Oh man . . .
It was actually part of an absolutely magical day. I sniffed ALL the fragrances and settled on three that I wanted to spray on me to see how they would do with my body chemistry. I took my time, smelling each fragrance and making my decisions on the three I wanted to try. I wrote down which one was on which wrist and one elbow. I told the woman I would be back after lunch. I’m sure she hears that a lot . . . . My Artist Date was over, and I went and met a friend for lunch. We did go back after lunch and the woman at the counter was surprised to see me! I bought some Mimosa & Cardamom cologne and body cream. Nordstrom is known for giving samples. You can’t even imaging how many samples the woman gave me, as well as a zippered pouch that was actually part of a different promotion. Plus, she wrapped my purchases lovingly, and even put them in a box that she then tied with fabric ribbon. And I mean a real box, not a flat-pack one. Seriously, who doesn’t love a real box?!
It was truly a gift of self-care. And you know I’m all about the self-care – this year in particular :-)
Self-Care Bingo continues each month. I don’t have any bingos yet for August, but there are a few days left in the month ;-)
As I close this Field Report, just thought I’d let you know that fall is definitely here in the Midwest . . .
:-D :-D
I have been mired in oldies again of late. Just really enjoying music that I’ve loved throughout my life. This is a great tune. The bass player on the left was Randy Meisner – probably better known for being one of the founding members of The Eagles. But this tune from the Legendary album by Poco has always been a favorite.
Twenty years ago today, my then-husband came home from work and blew our lives out of the water. He had been carrying on an affair and had brought his paramour over from another country. During the previous week we had been planning and getting ready to attend an industry event where he had been nominated for an award, and I guess he figured he’d better dump me before it occurred. He had already planned to take his paramour.
It was a brutal blow, this one, my second divorce. I had not loved my first husband and only married him because he asked and I figured no one else ever would, and I was 30 . . . it was not good from the beginning – and, in fact, I didn’t want to go through with it and said so to the cousin who was about to walk me down the aisle. In hindsight, I should have asked him to go and get my mom. She didn’t care for the man I was about to marry and I can pretty much guarantee she would have said, “Go, get in the car and go somewhere and call me later.” And then she would have calmly gone into the sanctuary and announced that there would be no wedding.
But I didn’t ask my cousin to get my mom. I just said I couldn’t go through with it, and he thought I simply had cold feet. He looked at me and said, “Come on. Quit being so fucking goofy. Everyone’s waiting.” And the next thing I knew, I was married. And four and a half years later, I was divorced.
Four and a half years seems to be my track record for sustaining a romantic relationship. My second marriage lasted that long, as well. And both times my divorce was final in February.
This day, 20 years ago – my entire life crumbled. I lost pretty much everything – my husband, my home, my pets, the life that I would would be mine. And at the same time there was drama at the company where I was working at the time. I knew I wanted to come back to the Midwest and I proposed a solution whereby I could do that. I thought they would go for it because no one else in the country did my job. But they didn’t. My choice was to move to a place I didn’t want to go, or they would lay me off – I could choose. I told them I needed time to think about it. I put the decision off for as long as possible to give me enough time to get a plan in place.
I filed for divorce – and in the state where I was living at the time, there were only two ground for divorce. Irreconcilable Differences, or Incurable Insanity. Since I couldn’t prove the latter, I went with the former. My soon to be ex was served with divorce papers at his place of business – in front of all his colleagues (who knew and loved me) – by a sheriff in full uniform, complete with sidearm. One of the things I remember from that time was something a dear friend told me: “His skill at his craft has no bearing on his worth as a human.” That was utterly and completely true.
It was a hard few months and for months I did not sleep more than four hours at any given time. That was very challenging. My soon-to-be ex acted like many things were my fault – narcissists do that. They blame others for their shortcomings. Nothing is ever their fault. More than one person asked me if I wanted them to take care of him (most likely with a beating) and of course I declined, but I’m reasonably sure that if my ex turned up here, even now, more than one of the men in my family would have something to say about it . . .
And in the middle of it, my closest friend from those days, her husband, and many of my ex’s colleagues had my back. My closest friend’s dad was in country and he had always treated me like I was one of his own. All of my friend’s family kept me close and kept me sane in one of the worst times of my life. I stayed close to their entire family over the years and felt the loss of her dad keenly a few years ago, now. They are Scottish – I’ll just let you imagine some of the names they called my ex, beginning with “F” and also with “C.” (The latter you wouldn’t normally associate with a man.) They were colorful, to say the least. People who love you make the worst things easier to bear. It wasn’t pleasant, but eventually everything was settled. To the great surprise of my former employer I asked to be laid off, and I left for the Midwest. I got home the day after Thanksgiving, and for the first time in months, I slept through the night at my mother’s.
So many things have happened in the past 20 years. I believe that because I have known great sorrow and loss I can know great joy and abundance, because how can you know the highs if you have not experienced the lows? My bestie said I deserved better – and I did. I haven’t found a man worthy of my awesomeness yet – neither husband nor boyfriends. There might still be someone out there for me. You just never know :-) And if you’re a woman reading this – make no mistake: You are Awesome and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
But in these 20 years I have grown not only as a woman, but also as a human. I built a career, I’ve since retired early. I have experienced other, horrible losses and have come out the other side – stronger and sturdier, and able to move forward. I am the watchwoman for many of my younger friends – going through major life changes, health issues, pain, and sorrow, and holding the lantern to light their paths as some begin to experience some of the things I experienced first. I have “found myself,” as it were. Many have told me over the years that I am an inspiration to them. I have lost old friends, but I have made others who more (way more) than take the place of the old. They encourage me to grow and shift and move forward every day.
I am lucky enough have friends I have known for decades who have seen me through thick and thin. And I have my wild and wonderful and ridiculous family who are never far away and who circle the wagons at the first sign of trouble – that’s just how we roll. And, amazingly, after all is said and done, I have a wonderful stepson who wants our lives to continue to intersect. Never doubt that the love and care you show a child will be remembered. Never doubt it, because it will be remembered – often – and in ways you could never possibly imagine.
I look back on the last 20 years and I think of all the things I have learned and all the love and laughter that have been in my life. I’m so very, very lucky to be who and where I am. I don’t know who Dinah McCraik is (she’s probably Scottish), but I think this is rather apt:
I believe with all my heart that we are in each other’s paths for a reason. And I believe that there is something we are supposed to learn from every experience. I also believe that some of us signed up for harder stuff in this lifetime. Sometimes I think I must have – but . . .
I am brave I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be
This is me.
I know I shared this recently – but man, it’s just the best song ever for this year and it always does me good to hear it again.